Watch Me Fall Apart
by Pyro the Phoenix
Summary: Loveless AU. "You let it slip, so get a grip. There's no one else to blame for this. Now walk around this lonely town, Where every smiling face just brings you down. Just brings you down." - Hard Fi; WARNINGS: Contains an under-aged non-con scene
1. Chapter 1

a/n: Fuk u loveless au right fukin now.

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Mikado gasped into the nook of his elbow, looking above him at the tiled ceiling of the third floor restroom. It was hardly ever used so, Mikado wasn't surprised to see the mold growing there. Ugh why had they come somewhere so grimy—

"Mi-ka-dooo if you don't pay attention to me I'll stop~" Masaomi squeezed him through the fabric of Mikado's pants, grinning against his ear.

Mikado hiccupped in response, his tail twitching around Masaomi's leg and tightening its grip. Masaomi laughed quietly, briefly stopping to trace the black tail that was so tightly coiled around his thigh. Mikado shuddered at the touch, his tail tugging at the leg, trying to pull Masaomi closer. Masaomi chuckled again and moved a little closer, teasingly blowing on the matching black ear attached to the top of Mikado's head. He shuddered and then glared sullenly, nose and mouth still buried in his arm.

"Don't do that!" He hissed, bristling. He glanced again at the mold on the ceiling, "I'm not sure we should be here, Masaomi, it's covered in mold. I don't think anyone's been up here in _years_—"

Masaomi sighed dramatically, "Mikado that's the point! I guess we can stop here if you're worried—" Mikado's eyes widened, "—and we could just go back to class since there's nowhere else for us to continue our sexy alone time…" He trailed off, smirking at the frustrated look on Mikado's face.

"Hmm? No? Do you not want to stop, Mikado?" He brushed his fingers along the front of Mikado's pants, grinning.

Mikado's face warmed and Masaomi could see the red creeping up under his eyes, though Mikado tried to hide it as best he could under his arm. He mumbled 'shut up' quietly, his ears sliding down parallel to his head. Masaomi just hummed in response, gently grasping Mikado through his pants again.

"That's what I thought~" He tucked his other hand under Mikado's chin, turning his face back to him, though Mikado still stubbornly refused to meet his eyes. "Now why don't you move that arm so I can kiss you already, hm?"

Mikado's ears perked up again, glancing up Masaomi. He was wearing that stupid goofy smile that made his heart flutter. He lowered his arm.

"Okay but if I get asbestos—"

Masaomi didn't give him a chance to finish before slamming his mouth onto his. Kissing Masaomi was always like a whirlwind that Mikado couldn't possibly hope to catch up with. He could only cling to the other boy's shirt, all thoughts of mold and dirty bathrooms fleeing as his senses smothered his mind with the taste of Masaomi's tongue and the feel of his hand through his pants. The other boy wasn't giving Mikado any room to breathe and he desperately tried to suck in air when he could, his hands burning from how hard the clutched to the fabric of Masaomi's shirt.

He could feel the edge of his climax building, his breath stuttering into Masaomi's mouth. One of his hands released from the shirt, gliding down to the front of Masaomi's pants and he thought, for just a moment—

For a moment Mikado could feel the heat of Masaomi's cock in his hand, he was so hard—

Pain shot up from Mikado's lip and he yelped, his hand fleeing back to clutch his own tail in front of his chest, having uncoiled itself from Masaomi's leg. The other boy ran from the stall, the door slamming and ricocheting off the other side. Stunned, Mikado's remaining hand that had been clutching Masaomi's shirt dropped through the empty air to his side. After a moment he could taste the blood seeping into his mouth. He let go of his tail, it drifting behind him, as he reached up to check the damage to his lip. It wasn't too bad he thought, so long as he kept some pressure on it should stop soon.

Quietly he stepped out of the stall, looking over at the sinks. There, Masaomi was shivering over a sink, his hands gripping the counter. Guilt wracked through Mikado as he looked on at the back of the other boy; he'd really messed up. He felt his tail twitching behind him with nervous energy, his ears flat against his head. His hand tighten as he stared at the spot where Masaomi's own tail should have been. Even now he can still almost see it, thin and brown, swaying. But it was gone, just like his ears.

He wished he could say he had never seen Masaomi like this. Like he was on the verge of throwing up, like the world had suddenly bottomed out from under him. But he still remembers Masaomi's showing up at his apartment in the middle of the night. He remembered answering the door, expecting to yell at his friend for the hour, but instead his mouth had gone slack at the sight.

"_Masaomi… your ears…?"_

His friend laughed, but there had been no depth to it and it sung bitterly in Mikado's ears.

"_Looks like I'm all grown up, Mikado!"_

And even though he had been smiling his eyes looked so terrified. And Mikado knew. He knew in an instant who had done this, why Masaomi's eyes looked so frightened—like he was only a moment away from bolting. He was so angry and for a second, he was sure he was going to find _Izaya and fucking ruin him, he would wrap his hands around that scum's throat and choke the worthless life out of him, __**light him on fucking fire—**_

"_Mikado?"_

The blood rushing through his ears had calmed and he had ushered his friend inside of his apartment. As it was now, he couldn't do anything about Izaya. But he could help his friend.

He set up his computer and they sat down together and watched stupid videos for hours into the night. At some point Masaomi had slipped his hand into his and squeezed and they leaned on each other. It wasn't much but he could feel Masaomi relax just the tiniest bit. It's all the comfort Mikado could manage to give him, and he hated himself for it.

They finally crawled into his futon just before the sun would rise, hoping to catch an hour or two before they had to get ready for school. Mikado never asked what happened, never would unless Masaomi wanted to tell him. He had clung so tightly to Mikado, right up until the alarm went off a mere few hours later. Mikado wanted Masaomi to stay home of course, but Kida insisted he had to go, he couldn't skip anymore—

The moment they had walked into school he regretted not forcing Masaomi to stay home. Everyone had been whispering and giving the other boy odd looks _did he really lose his ears?_ The blood started to rush in Mikado's ears again, but he took a deep breath before leaning close to Masaomi as they walked down the hall, and whispered.

"_Follow my lead."_

Masaomi had looked so pale, like he was about to barf, and it twisted Mikado's stomach to see it. But he nodded reassuringly to his friend as Masaomi looked at him in confusion. With another deep breath Mikado leaned away and started speaking loud enough to smother all the whispers.

"_Jeeze Masaomi, stop telling me about it already! I don't care how big her breasts were, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR ESCAPADES."_

The hallway went silent and Mikado felt his face burning. But after a minute the whole hallway erupted into laughter, including Masaomi. The other boy quickly wrapped an arm around Mikado's neck, tugging him down to noogie him affectionately.

"_What are you talking about, Mikado! Of course everyone wants to know! Especially my most bestest friend,"_ he released Mikado to start gesturing at his chest, _"I don't think you understand, my dear friend! Her breasts were so voluptuous and amazing they surely must have been lovingly hand-crafted by the gods themselves!"_

The laughing had died down and everyone went about their own business again. Masaomi smiled and quietly thanked him before slipping into his classroom. After that the whispers and rumors died out within hours. Losing your ears in high school wasn't really that big of a deal, but as freshman Masaomi had stood out. After the outburst in the hallway, people seemed to accept that somehow goof-ball, enthusiastic flirter Masaomi had somehow convinced someone to sleep with him at last, and that was that. Masaomi was quick to fall back in to routine and Mikado was so relieved.

At some point over the next few months they started to fool around like now. Sneaking away to swap saliva and maybe a little groping, but it was always very one-sided. Masaomi was very insistent that Mikado didn't touch anywhere below the belt. Of course he always respected that,_ of course,_ but it was always so frustrating. It felt like he was getting so much more out of this Masaomi… he just wanted—

Looking at Masaomi now, sill hunched over the sink, Mikado had never felt so guilty. There was still a subtle taste of blood lingering in his mouth, though his lip was already starting to clot up. He bit his lip a little, relishing in the sting; he deserved every bit of hurt he got for breaking the trust between them.

"Masaomi?"

The other boy wiped at his mouth before straightening up to look into the dusty mirror. From his position near the stall Mikado could see Masaomi's reflection, he still looked shaken up.

"Masaomi, I'm so sorry—"

"Don't. It's fine."

Mikado's tail lowered sadly between his legs. Masaomi traced in the dust; two little triangles hovering over his reflection. He sighed and turned around.

"I use to have the cutest ears."

He walked up to Mikado and gently took his hand in his.

"Second only to my adorable little Mikado's."

He smiled softly while Mikado stared hard at the ground. He didn't deserve Masaomi's kindness, but his friend was always too forgiving of him. He took a moment to glance up to other boy's face.

"I think you still look very handsome without them." Which was true, out of context Masaomi's lack of ears made him seem a lot more mature looking. Even in the last few months the baby fat around his face was thinning out and, to be honest, he looked more and more handsome by the day. But knowing that they had been taken from him too soon…

Masaomi smiled lightly at the comment, "Thanks." He reached up to touch Mikado's bleeding lip and frowned when he pulled them back to see blood.

"I'm sorry I bite you."

"N-No _I'm_ the one who—"

Masaomi pulled Mikado into a tight hug that he hurriedly returned. Masaomi was shivering again and Mikado pulled him closer.

"I'm sorry I'm so fucked up, Mikado."

He tightened his grip like he was afraid the other boy would suddenly disappear.

"Don't say that…"

"I just need a little more time okay, Mikado? I promise I'll—"

Mikado hushed him and pet the back of his head.

"There's no rush and I'm so sorry I tried to—You—t-take as long as you need okay? I'll always be here."

He fumbled around his words a little but he felt Masaomi relax against him, chuckling. He leaned back enough so he could rest his forehead against Mikado's.

"I love you, Mikado."

He said it so effortlessly, without a hint of embarrassment. Mikado's face felt hot again as he stared into his happy smiling face. No one should be able to say something so embarrassing so easily!

"I uh… I—"

The bell signaling the end of lunch rang and Masaomi laughed loudly.

"You don't have to say it back yet."

Mikado flushed in shame, it's not like—well… it was just so _embarrassing. _Masaomi laughed a little more at his expense before letting go of the other boy. He turned towards the door.

"We should go back to class, Mikado. We'll continue this discussion after school, Hm?" He winked at the other boy, "Your house?"

He laughed hardily at the sour look on the other boy's red face.

"See you later, sweet cheeks!" With that he left the bathroom.

Mikado sighed and tried straightening out his uniform and calming down before he too left the restroom to head toward his own class.

He'd _really _messed up back there but it seemed that Masaomi was going to be okay for now.

Mikado would make it up to him.

He would make up for everything.


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNINGS: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS / IS ABOUT A NON-CON SCENE BETWEEN A MINOR AND ADULT. IT'S ADVISED THAT IF THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE OR COULD TRIGGER YOU THAT YOU DO NOT READ.  
**

**PLEASE PROCEED ONLY AFTER READING THE WARNING.**

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"Ahhh, Masaomi-kun!"

His name rolled off that vicious tongue in a way that made his whole body shiver, down to his tail.

"Come in, come in! How nice of you to visit."

Izaya stepped back from the door and slithered his way back into the apartment; his tail disappeared around the corner with him. Kida slinked in after him, kicking the door closed behind him. He toed off his shoes, the cold tile seeping pass his socks. He peeked around the corner; Izaya was sitting at his desk back to him, his sleek tail lazily spilled over the arm of the chair onto the floor. His skin crawled.

He hated being here.

"I don't have all day, Masaomi-kun~"

Kida grunted and shuffled his way fully into the room. Izaya swiveled his chair around to face him, mouth twitching into a grin.

"And what can I do for you today, my cute Masaomi-kun?"

Kida tried his best to appear casual but he could feel his body had betrayed him. There was a light sheen of sweat collecting on his neck and his ears were practically flush against his head. Behind him, Kida felt his tail twitching irritably.

"Maybe I just wanted to visit you, hm?" He stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets and grinned. He tried to loosen his stance and relax. Izaya preyed on fear.

He knew when Izaya's smirk only deepened that the man was already on the hunt.

"Ohhh?" The man stood up from his chair and made his way to Kida, "As much as I would love to believe that you'd come all the way here just to see me—" he stopped just a little too close, "I think we both know that's not why you're here."

He reached out to grab Kida's chin; he flinched, stepping back. His grin strained as Izaya laughed.

"You've never been very good at this game."

Kida pulled his hands out from his pockets to shrug and sighed.

"Ahhhh~ You got me there! Who would come visit a creeper like you just because?" He shook his head solemnly. Kida could feel his ears starting to perk up slightly. He just had to keep playing it cool. Fake it until it's real they say.

Izaya chuckled, "You wound me. Keep telling jokes like that and I won't want to do any favors for you, Masaomi-kun."

He turned away to start heading towards his desk again, "After all, you _did _come all the way here to ask me to leave your poor, little Mikado-kun alone, right?" He sat down on his chair, drinking in the stricken look on Kida's face. He laughed again.

"Oh, Masaomi-kun," He cupped his chin in his hand, elbow resting on the arm of the chair, "Even if I were generous enough to lend out favors at the drop of a hat, Mikado-kun is too important of a piece now."

He smirked again, tail swaying behind him, "Leaving him alone isn't an option."

By the time Kida had his fist wrapped up in the collar of Izaya's shirt, other fist pulled back, Izaya's knife was already pressed precariously against his throat.

"Now, now! Don't forget, I'm not like those kids you beat up in the back of alley-ways," His knife pressed closer, "You can't get everything with violence."

Kida could feel his fists shaking with barely controlled rage. But after a moment he lowered them, his hand releasing the hold on Izaya's shirt.

Izaya hadn't removed his knife. His eyes narrowed, pleased looking.

"See, Masaomi-kun? I knew you weren't as stupid as you looked."

He carefully moved his knife away from the boy's neck, smiling still. Kida grit his teeth, tail swiping back and forth behind him angrily.

"What do you want?"

Izaya closed his eyes, sighing. He waved his hand dismissively.

"I take it back, maybe you are stupid," his eyes opened just enough to peek at Kida, "You have nothing to offer me anymore."

Kida could feel the dread from before seeping back into him. His throat started to feel dry.

"Nothing?"

Izaya's eyes had suddenly seemed fixated above Kida's eye level. The grin that appeared on the man's face was dripping with malice.

"Well…" Izaya carefully stood up from his chair again, "There might be one thing that's worth leaving little Mikado-kun alone."

Sweat started to accumulate on the back of Kida's neck again, "What is it?"

Izaya smiled cheerily at him.

"Let me have your ears and tail and I promise I'll leave your friend alone."

Kida balked and took a step back, unconsciously reaching up to cover his ears.

"W-What?! You want to cut off my ears?"

Izaya shot him a deeply unamused look.

"Eh? Are you really that stupid, Masaomi-kun? There's a much less painful way you know; don't they teach you kids sex-ed anymore?"

A sick feeling welled-up in Kida's stomach. He chuckled uneasily.

"Sex with a minor, Izaya? Isn't that a little grosser than usual for you?"

Izaya shrugged, "If you don't want to I don't care, its fine for me either way—"

"Why do you want them?"

Kida's heart was already racing, but even so his body felt cold. Izaya looked bored.

"To certain people they're pretty valuable. Now, I _do_ have other work to attend to so if you're not interested—"

"W-Wait!" Kida had that stricken look on his face again, "Just give me a second to think about it."

Izaya crossed his arms, finger tapping his arm.

"You really need to work on your manners, Masaomi-kun. It hardly seems like a big deal, plenty of guys your age have already thrown their ears away by now." His own tail swayed back and forth behind him, like a beacon of contradiction. Kida's eyes narrowed.

"You still have yours."

Was Izaya just fucking with him?

Izaya patience had run out and he sighed again, his sleek black ears twitching in irritation. He turned away from Kida.

"You can show yourself out, Masaomi-kun."

"I'll do it."

Izaya peeked back over his should to look at Kida through crinkled eyes.

"Really, now? My, what a self-sacrificing friend you are, Masaomi-kun."

Kida didn't meet his eyes.

Izaya made his way over to the pristine couch in the center of the space, plopping down on the cushions. He gestured to Kida lazily.

"Let's try to make this quick, okay? Take off your pants and come over here."

Kida stood still for maybe half a minute, his legs quivering beneath him, before Izaya let out a frustrated noise that jolted him into action. He struggled for a moment undoing his pants and then pushed them down his shaky legs. Boxer-briefs followed and both were kicked off to the side. He shuffled over to couch, sitting next to Izaya who looked increasingly bored with each passing second. Kida still wouldn't meet his eyes.

Izaya reach out to lightly grasp Kida's dick, disinterestedly fondling him. Kida felt himself flush at the touch regardless and felt himself start to get hard.

"You know what's interesting about virginity, Masaomi-kun?"

Kida shuddered as Izaya continued to work him in his hand. He reached up to lightly tug on one of Kida's ears.

"It's almost entirely a social construct. There's no exact definition for when someone is no longer a virgin."

Izaya squeezed Kida a little harder and he bit his lip to stop any sound from escaping.

"So basically, when the body rejects its extra ears and tail that means that person has unconsciously determined that they are no longer a virgin."

It took only a couple of minutes before Kida came in Izaya's hand, his eyes screwed tightly shut. He was silent. Izaya let go of him, disappointed.

Kida could feel the blood pounding in his ears.

Izaya frowned at his dirty hand.

"Hmm… What determines when someone's lost their 'virginity' can be different for each person. For some people, that alone could have been enough to trigger it."

He sighed and shoved his dirtied fingers into Kida's mouth, his other hand grabbing onto Kida's hair to roughly tug his head back. Kida choked in surprise.

"It seems we'll have to take it a step farther. It's in your best interest to lather these up Masaomi-kun," he tugged on his hair harder, "Unless of course you rather me go in dry?"

Kida gagged, the taste of his own cum overpowering. Tears welled-up in his eyes.

"Move it along, please. This is just as disgusting for me as it is for you."

He gagged for a little longer before he tried to gather up the spit needed. He tried his best to use his tongue, but Izaya's fingers were shoved too far back. After a moment though Izaya removed his fingers and Kida felt himself get tugged onto Izaya's lap. He coughed and drool dripped down his chin.

Izaya grasped his tail and tugged it up and out of the way. Kida stiffened.

"W-wait a second—"

Izaya was not gentle when he shoved his fingers into Kida, his fingers worked to try and loosen him. Kida felt his mouth drop open in a silent scream. It _hurt_—

He could feel a tightening of something in his chest as Izaya's fingers invaded him, coiling and coiling and—

It snapped.

It was a strange feeling, he suddenly felt very detached from the situation. All feeling in his tail and ears stopped, and he felt something slide down off his head.

He stared down at his soft, brown ears on the ground.

"Oh. That was sooner than I thought!"

He vaguely aware that Izaya's fingers slipped out of him as the man leaned forward to rest his chin on Kida's shoulder. He snickered lowly.

"Looks like your body knows you've been defiled, Masaomi-kun," He leaned back examining the now lifeless tail in his hand, "Turns out you were much more innocent than I thought."

Izaya wiped his hand on the back of Kida's shirt, before pushing him off his lap. Kida slipped off of Izaya and on to the cushion next to him, watching as the man leaned forward to collect his ears off the floor. He made a content noise, standing to head over to his desk.

"I suggest you get off those cushions before you get blood on them."

Kida didn't acknowledge him, still staring down at the floor.

Izaya dropped the appendages onto the desk and turned to face the expansive bookshelf. He rummaged through the books, stopping to pull out a medium sized jar filled with a clear liquid. He returned to desk.

Kida remained stiff, still looking down at the floor.

"As I said, I'll make sure to do my best to keep Mikado out of my dealings," He uncapped the jar and carefully started putting the ears and tail into it, "Of course though, I can't stop Mikado from digging around himself."

The boy finally looked up at Izaya, his face pale. Izaya smiled.

"So that'll be up to you, Masaomi-kun."

Kida only stared at him.

"… seriously get off my couch. You're free to go now, these are all I needed."

Kida stood up on his jellied legs and made a bee-line for his underwear, wincing the whole way. Izaya screwed back on the cap, watching Kida carefully. The boy struggled for a few minutes pulling on his clothes, and then shuffled over to his discarded his shoes.

Izaya smirked, moving back to the bookshelf to put the jar back.

"Feel free to come visit me again, Masaomi-kun!"

The door slammed shut.

Izaya giggled to himself, rearranging the books to hide the jar.

"What an idiot."

Outside, Kida made a point to empty his stomach right next to the door. He swiped his hand over his mouth and straightened his back. It was already dark outside.

The walk home felt like nothing, one moment he was outside of Izaya's and the next he was in his apartment, crawling into the shower. He thought of nothing but water running through his hair and down his back. He kept raking his hand through his hair, waiting for his fingers to get caught on something that isn't there anymore, and he sobbed.

It started to feel like he was suffocating in the small shower stall, so he shut it off and shuffled, dripping wet, back into his room. He collapsed on the bed, face buried in his pillow.

He spent hours on his bed, well into the night, before he moved. He blindly reached for his phone, and pulled it closer to him, tapping to check his messages. There was a lone message from Mikado, received hours ago. He wanted to hang out tomorrow. Kida's grip on his phone tightened, and he choked out a sob. How would he face his friend?

It was another hour before Kida found the strength to pull himself off the bed and slip into loose clothes. He started walk to Mikado's because he knew he'd have to face him soon enough.

And right now being alone was too painful.

When Mikado opened the door, the look of shock on his friend's was enough to make a laugh bubble out of his throat.

"_Masaomi… your ears…?"_

"_Looks like I'm all grown up, Mikado!"_


End file.
